I reread my post about going with the energy flow. In its conclusion I stated that I’ll be focusing on my energy levels and seeing what feels like what and figuring out a system that might work for me. As soon as I hit “post” the idea of tracking that sort of thing completely flew out of my head and I continued on with my life as if the thought had never entered my mind. Part of it is the ADHD certainly but part of it I think is that my feelings of burn out also extend to this notion of self-improvement. I’m tired of being a constant work in progress and constantly striving.

The reason I failed to track my energy levels was because I lost interest in Designing Your Life, which was essentially the impetus for that legwork. I have since also returned the book to the library so I can’t pick it back up as easily as I might wish to. I think I also failed at this because I didn’t have a plan. I love a good plan. I didn’t write it down and then intentionally set up the steps necessary to get this thing done. It was just one of my millions of little life tangents I’m constantly bouncing back and forth. I’m currently on my biophilic design kick, didn’t you know? So my own self-improvement has taken a backseat to what essentially boils down to my home redecorating efforts.

And now that we are moving major pieces of furniture around and a bunch of stuff is temporarily on the floor, I’m crazy stressed out and would love to just get rid of everything. So I’m back to my winter season. With Daylight Savings Time ending and being a forever annoyance the lack of daylight and the cooler weather means I’m less active. The slowing down is making me want to slow down everything, including creative pursuits, and any and all ambitions. The overflow of stuff is making me wonder why do I even bother collaging or whatever? It takes up so much space and (at least today when I did it after the kids went to bed) it doesn’t even bring me all that much joy anymore. But now I’m stuck with all this stuff to facilitate it. I should go back to my browns: painting. But that requires a lot of overhead before strating the part I really enjoy doing and sometimes I just don’t feel like it after a long day.

So what do I do? Plan harder or step back even more and do less? After all, there’s literally no reason I do any of the things that I do outside of work and spending time with my family. None. I don’t make money doing it, I have zero recognition for it. Some of these things are hobbies and make me happy, sure, but I persist even through the parts that don’t make me happy. Why and I bothering?