I’ve been enjoying working on my sock scrap rug. The sewing and braiding is a moving meditation where I can let my thoughts wander in whatever direction they so choose. The tactile experience is also quite nice. The rug feels sturdy in my hands. I love that I’m making something instead of throwing all those socks away.

In my joy at upcycling all those socks I started looking to Pinterest for other ideas for textile upcycling. And I’m ashamed to say that that’s where I soured on my wild dreams of achieving high art status with upcycled fabrics. Everyone on Pinterest has already thought of my ideas and executed it with way more precision than I am currently capable.

It’s the fault of my constant mental shooting for the stars. I can’t just make this one project, I must make it my THING and become world famous at this THING. It’s not enough to make one I must make a bunch and sell them to people!

On the one hand, I like dreaming big. On the other, I’m tired of this cycle of mental gymnastics every time something catches my interest. I want to just let myself be. I want to stop feeling like I have to become a professional [insert noun here] (ie: make money doing this thing) in order to enjoy an interest in something. And I don’t want to lose my enthusiasm for something just because someone else has already thought of it first.

My art may be a tiny drop in a vast ocean, but that vast ocean is made up of tiny drops. I may as well continue to make my art and stop worrying about what other people are doing. And let myself just enjoy things without needing to gain world-wide acclaim doing them.